


Stay

by mystiilesbabe



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Depictions of Abuse, Lapis feelin mega guilty, Peridot (Mentioned) - Freeform, Steven Universe (mentioned) - Freeform, and Jasper got problems, jus all around not good fam, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23843542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystiilesbabe/pseuds/mystiilesbabe
Summary: Jasper pays Lapis a second visit.' The barn was silent, say for the howling of the wind, and rustling of the leaves. Peridot’s usual chatter was absent, who’d gone off with Amethyst a while ago, leaving Lapis to her own devices, to her own thoughts. '
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Stay

The barn was silent, say for the howling of the wind, and rustling of the leaves. Peridot’s usual chatter was absent, who’d gone off with Amethyst a while ago, leaving Lapis to her own devices, and to her own thoughts.   
  
The wind tugged and nipped at Lapis’ hair and dress, blowing them every which way, Lapis pinned her dress in place, mildly annoyed, but not enough to leave her perch on the barn roof. She drew in a heavy sigh, leaning in on her frame.   
  
Lapis _hated_ being alone, an insistent fear that she’d be left behind again. It wasn’t nearly as bad as being trapped, distant memories of her arrival on Homeworld repeated in her mind, mistaken as an enemy, _again_ , and punished for it. A bitter feeling wound in her heart, an ever-present pressure whenever she thought about the Crystal Gems, how they could move on, how they could just ignore everything that happened to them in favor of moving forward.   
  
Malachite had brought a slight ease to that bitterness, even if it was overwhelmed by the painful misery of their fusion. Jasper was like her, even if she hid it so perfectly under her soldier bravado. She’d seen glimpses of it in their fusion, in the moments she’d allowed their minds to merge, a faint hazy feeling of misery and loneliness against her own.   
  
Jasper had clearly felt the same way. A shudder accompanied the re-emerging memory of Jasper’s pleads to fuse again. And just as quickly as the memory had emerged, Lapis pulled it under again, out of sight, out of mind. She stood up and unfurled her wings, lowering herself to the ground, feeling the cool, faintly wet dirt and grass under her feet.   
  
Abruptly, a large, firm hand caught hold of Lapis’ wrist and pulled her aside, alarm spiked in her gut, already knowing who it was. Her suspicions were confirmed by the all too familiar pin-pricked yellow eyes boring pleadingly into her own.   
  
“No!” Lapis cried out, trying to wrench her hand out of Jasper’s desperately. She couldn’t do this again! How many times would Jasper seek her out, how many times did Lapis have to hurt her? Jasper fell to her knees, catching Lapis’ other hand and pulling her close.   
  
“Lapis, please!” Jasper begged, fear and admiration glittering in her eyes, drawing Lapis in, the desire to channel all her pain and bitterness on her becoming more apparent. Steven wasn’t here to bring her back to reality this time, this was something she’d have to face alone.   
  
She knew it was wrong, what she did, and even if she had felt some pleasure in torturing Jasper, the guilt was immense and overwhelming, like heavy, stormy tides. Lapis overhears a stutter in Jasper’s intense, gravelly voice, a slight whine almost, as she speaks.   
  
“I- I need you,” Jasper admits, her brows pinching together into a desperate look. She waited expectantly, Lapis’ struggling ceased, her hands shaking, a horrible, burdening guilt toiling deep in her belly, fervently scorching her fingertips and chest.   
  
“I _hurt_ you,” Lapis countered weakly, swallowing the lump in her throat, unable to meet Jasper’s eyes, scared of what would happen if she did. Jasper spoke up, heavy with raw emotion, and a deeply rooted self-loathing.   
  
“I deserved it.”   
  
Lapis’ delicate features contorted into a nauseated look, her guts twisting and churning uncomfortably. Even formulating a reply was a daunting task, she couldn’t think, her mind consumed with static, glimpses of the terrible amalgamation of herself and Jasper, grotesque limbs _clawing_ for freedom, soundless screams under the suffocating oppression of the sea.   
  
Jasper jarred Lapis from her thoughts, seizing her chin and directing her attention back to herself. She held her there, Lapis’ freed hand clutched at Jasper’s, digging into Jasper’s skin.   
  
“Alone I’m nothing, I failed my Diamond, I lost to the Crystal gems…” Jasper spat, disgusted by her failures. her hand clenched around Lapis’ other hand, a pained hissed dragged from Lapis' lungs.   
  
“But with you, we almost beat them! We-We had a chance, we were so close!” Jasper tried to smile, ending in more of a grimace than anything. All Lapis saw was the fear in Jasper’s eyes, the slight flinch whenever Lapis’ hands so much as twitched. She was scared of her, and rightfully so. Lapis breathed a shaky sigh and relaxed her shoulders, averting her eyes.   
  
“I only fused with you to use you…” Lapis uttered, holding back the dam of emotions behind her unsteady, cold voice. Jasper seemed unphased by Lapis’ confession, desperate yellow eyes searing into hers. An image of the same eyes peering up at her from underneath the water, submerged and subdued, played back in her thoughts. 

“... We’re not good for each other.” Lapis choked out, thinking of Steven, she couldn’t go back to this… Not after everything. “So _why_ do you keep coming back?” Lapis asked, scouring Jasper’s face for answers.  
  
 _Because I’m tired of being abandoned._ Jasper wanted to answer, but no, despite how much she’d bared her neck to Lapis, she couldn’t disclose that vulnerability, that part of her she kept so carefully tucked away. And so silence fell between them, the cloudy sky forebodingly gray and foggy, the harsh wind ruthlessly tugging Lapis’ dress, like ocean waves amidst a storm.   
  
Finally, Lapis’ voice cut through their silence, cold, but uncertain.   
  
“Just… Go.” She steadied herself, daring to look straight into Jasper’s eyes. That little flame of hope smothered into dying sparks, a disappointed frown played along Jasper’s lips, her eyes squeezing shut for a moment. Her muscles relaxed, snapping open her eyes and adopting a cold, unaffected scowl.   
  
“Fine.” Jasper growled lowly throw clenched teeth, raising to her feet and lightly tossing Lapis aside. She turned heel and prowled back into the shade of the forest. Lapis was left standing against the barn wall, wringing her formerly subdued hand, a slight bruise left behind.   
  
We’re so bad for each other, and yet I miss you. 


End file.
